Dear Mr. New Husband,
First of all, congratulations on your wedding. You made a good choice. Solace is a great girl and I am sure that if you prove to be the right partner, she will make you very happy.
My dear Mr. New Husband, you asked me to give you some tit bits on how to make a success of your marriage. You said you wanted nothing less than a fantastic marriage. And you asked if I could give you any ideas for becoming the best husband alive.
Well, first of all, you cannot become the best husband alive. That is not possible. To pick the best husband alive, we will have to make the contestants marry the same girl at the same time and live under the same circumstances because only then can we judge which of them is the best. But as you can see, it is impossible to create that kind of condition for the competition for best husband. This is because every marriage is different and so a great husband in one marriage may be a lousy husband in another. What you should aim for is to become the best husband, your wife, Solace, could have. So, don’t compare yourself with any other husband because they are not married to Solace. Just know Solace and find the wisdom to fulfil her. And this is what I will like to help you with.
To become the best husband for Solace, discover her love language. The concept of love language was made popular by the writer, Dr. Gary Chapman. He said we all have our own love languages and if you don’t know anyone’s love language, it will be impossible to be the right partner for her.
Gary Chapman gave us five love languages. They are: one, words of affirmation; two, acts of service; three, quality time; four, physical touch and five, receiving gifts. Find out Solace’s love language and speak it often.
If Solace’s love language is words of affirmation, then say those words to her often. If her love language is acts of service, then make sure you don’t neglect doing little things for her on a regular basis. And if her love language is quality time, then learn to put off the phone, log off your laptop and put off the TV and just give her all your attention. This may involve take her out on a rendezvous every now and then. If Solace’s love language is physical touch, then don’t walk past her without touching her in a tender and loving manner. And of course if her love language is receiving gifts, then surprise her often with gifts. Just remember that the gifts don’t have to be expensive but learn to wrap those gifts or deliver them with a bit of drama or flair.
Remember that you are married to a woman. A woman is very different from a man and so make every effort to understand the creature called woman and especially the one you have married. As a man I know that we men tend to underestimate how complicated a woman’s life is. With an appreciation for how complicated a woman’s life is, you will never be able to bring the best out of her.
For instance, you don’t have to worry about what to do with your hair. For a man, the choice of what to do with your hair is very simple and easy. It is not so for the woman.
Take the matter of footwear. Women look very good in high heels and yet wearing it imposes constraints on the movement of a woman. With high heel, a woman has to take the terrain on which she is walking into consideration. And she has to be careful with her pace. If she does not, she could slip and fall or destroy the shoes.
For a man, none of these considerations arise. So, if you take Solace out for a treat, take those constraints Solace is grappling with into consideration and don’t ask her to match your pace of walking; instead, you match her pace because an attempt to match yours could be catastrophic.
But that is only a tiny bit of the complications of a woman’s life. This is just to give you the hint. Now take the hint and make the effort to fully understand the complications of your wife’s life as a woman, a wife and later, hopefully as a mother.
A great husband has to have emotional maturity. You cannot lose your temper at the least provocation and trust me, every wife knows how to provoke her husband to anger. You must learn to control your temper and to be careful what you say even under extreme circumstances. And please don’t try to exchange words with your wife, as in a quarrel. Men don’t know how to quarrel or fight with words, women do. By the time a girl becomes a woman, she has had a lot of practice at fighting with words. The average boy on the other hand would rather walk away or use his fists instead of using words. So, don’t try to fight with words with your wife; you will lose.
In particular, the words you say under provocation will be stored and archived and used against you for the rest of your life. So no matter how angry you are, please ensure that the words that come out of your mouth are soft and reconciliatory. Use harsh words and you give your wife ammunition she can use against you in subsequent fights.
And whilst I am on the matter of emotional maturity and controlling your temper, let me give you your first don’t as a husband. Don’t ever hit your wife. Never lift your hand to hit your wife. It diminishes you as a man and it introduces an element into your home that will scar your relationship for a long time.
When it comes to the tit bits that will make you a great husband for Solace, I am afraid that I have just scratched the surface. I will try to write you with more later. For now, I want to attend to your wife too. Yes, Solace also asked me for a few ideas on how she could be the best wife for you and I promised her that I will oblige her.
How about this: when both of you receive your letters, read it and then exchange it with each other. Read her letter and give her your letter to read as well. I think it will start a conversation that can only enrich your marriage.
For now, all that is left for me to say is that marriage is God’s idea and so it must be very good or we are not doing it right. May God give you the grace you need to make a success of your marriage.